Fatherhood: Response-ability

Dear son,

My last letter to you was about fatherhood’s two faces: responsibility and opportunity to grow. I told you that responsibility is about the ability to respond to what’s expected of you. And then you asked me how in the world are you going to meet the super high, unbelievable, and most of the time, unreasonable expectations of people around you who claim to be your family but actually don’t care for you and Hannah, and your incoming baby.

Fatherhood Images
Two Images of Fatherhood

Well, my quick answer is a resounding NO! You don’t have to meet their unreasonable uncaring expectations at all. But that would be another topic to discuss. Just ignore them for now.

What I was talking about was God’s expectations from all fathers. Now that you are going to be a father, you need to be aware of these things. Because after reading this letter, you will jump from theory to practice.

Let’s begin…

Father’s have many responsibilities. We will not talk about all of them; instead, we’ll focus on just four basic duties expected of a father.

  1. Protection — You are expected to protect your family from all kinds of harm. In order to do that, you need to assess your environment. Are they safe from physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual harm?
    • physical harm is easy — is your house safe from diseases, thieves, physical pains, and unnecessary accidents due to poor household arrangements? Check it out. Do a general cleaning if necessary
    • emotional harm — how close is your family (you and Hannah) from people who constantly criticise, condemn, insult, and belittle other people including you and Hannah? If in case you are living among them, how do you prevent or at least neutralize those emotional harm that may cause your family unecesasry emotional pain? Figure it out. But don’t engage in war!
    • mental harm — attitude is very crucial to success, but it has two characteristics that may cause you problem: first, it is very contagious, second it is difficult to change. Now if you are surrounded by people with very negative attitude, how do you secure your family from being infected? Because remember, once you and your family is infected by the negativity of those around you, it would be very difficult to change and go back to your original mental state.
    • spiritual harm — attitude are just outward manifestation of an inner belief. If the people around you do not believe in God or do not believe that there are universal, timeless principles that govern us all, that may pose problems. If they believe that they can control the universe, and that they can control you, that would be dangerous. If your surrounding dont believe in the virtues I taught you — virtues like honesty, discipline, forgiveness, patience, faith — that may create conflict. But if their belief is far different from ours, DON’T ENGAGE IN ARGUMENTS. That won’t help at all. Arguments dont convince people, behavior does. 😉
  2. Provision — Again, as humans, we have four dimensions: body, mind, heart, spirit. Those four dimensions have different needs:
    • the body needs food, clothing, and shelter; the mind needs to learn and satisfy its curiosity; the heart needs love and acceptance, and the opportunity to love in return; the spirit needs meaning that comes from a higher being (in our belief system, it’s God, not money), and the priveledge to serve other people.
    • Now, as a father-to-be, you need to start thinking how are you going to provide those things directly or inderectly.
      • Food, clothing, and a decent shelter is the easiest part — but this one requires money.
      • Mind comes next. Providing education requires financial sources too. But teaching your son the right attitude, doesn’t require money. And that’s even more important than any bachelor degrees, MS, and PHDs this world can to offer.
      • Many fail in the “heart” part (have you ever heard of fathers who cant forgive their sons or daughters? They failed in the heart part of providing for the family) Let’s continue this in number three below.
      • The “spiritual” dimension is probably the greatest dillema in our society now. Very very few fathers provide spiritual guidance to their children — the world has become too busy, that its fathers choose to prioritize money and status above all else. When I was younger, I also made that mistake to you. I prioritized “everything else” in my life, and forgotten what is expected of me as a father. Now I’m catching up. I hope I can.
  3. Love, Encouragement, and Forgiveness — All these three have already become Where Elsevery very rare now in our modern dog-eat-dog, survival-of-the-fittest, “matira-matibay” society. But these three are essential. If your own family cannot find these three in your own home, where else can they find them? Nobody offers them anymore for free! Well, of course there are few exceptions out there. But when I say it’s “very very rare” its really very very rare. I seee people everyday whose parents cannot offer them love, encouragements, and forgiveness, so these poor people demand those essentials from false friends, strangers, drugs, and alcohol. The result? Chaos! Pain! Regret!
  4. Belief Foundation — Did you know that our first image of God comes from our first image of our earthly father? Yes. That’s why when you told me few years ago about your doubt on God’s existence, it almost crashed me. Because I knew, that I failed on this part of my responsibility as a father: I was not able to provide you a clear image of God. First, we fathers, do that by setting examples, by our behaviors, by the choices we make; second, we reinforce those behaviors with words of explanation. If we fail on our examples, no amount of explanation will compensate.
    • So prepare yourself on how are you going to give David the best image of the invisible God.
    • Another things is your overall belief system. In my 13 years of working with “so called leaders” I observed that most of them don’t have an intact belief system. They don’t know whether or not to believe that integrity is an imperative in leadership. Because of that, they compromise everytime, they are not consistent in their decision-making, and because they dont know what they believe, they don’t know how to respond to difficult situations. The result? People stop trusting them! As a father, one of your responsibilities is to establish that belief system in your family that is intact — a belief system that cannot be esily shattered by arguments, and cannot be swayed by painful experiences.

Example Failure

There are many more responsibilities waitng for you as a father. We haven’t talked yet about discipline and specific instructions and training, and about how to treat your wife. We’ll get there later. For now, I want you to begin thinking about these four basic expectations you need to meet. If you have noticed, I began from the easiest (protection) part, to the most difficult one (belief foundation) to make it easier for you to apply them. The last two responsibilites are just an expansion of the “heart” and “spirit” issues in both the protection and provision responsibilities.

I pray that you find this helpful. May God bless you and comfort you, and give you streght as you put these teaching into specific observable actions.

I love you always son!



31st Week: Creatively Pregnant

Dear Hannah,

Have a great day today!

Last time, we talked about being intentional in your every move — knowing that the baby in your womb has already started picking up and responding to most activities you take. And that by being intentional, you are showing your care to him deliberately, instead of just relying on the automatic systems of your body. I also promised you that on my next letter, we’d talk about why doing creative activities will prepare you better for the future of your mother-child caring interactions.

So, let’s jump forward to that near future…

Flash Forward

When David comes out — 9 weeks from now — he will begin his journey to discovery and growth. He will do it in stages. Every stage is different. As his mother, you will join him in this journey, one step at a time. As he learns new things, you will learn with him. As he grows, so are you.

Here are the first three stages of his life.

  1. Newborn — the first 3 months will pass by very fast or very slow. Depending on whether you are enjoying your son or you are frustrated because you can no longer do the things you’ve been doing before you became pregnant. Here, David’s life will be plain and simple: eat, poop, pee, cry, and sleep. You will observe him and learn his cycle and timing. Here, cry is his only language.
  2. Infant — months 4 to 6 are his infant days. Many things have already changed by this time — both for you and your little one. You are now accustomed to it, or more frustrated. Here, David will be interacting with you through smiles, coos, and laughs — not just cry anymore. He will have learned a lot of movements too. He will be crawling slow, sit by his own and begin learning how to use his hands.
  3. Baby — after his sixth month birthday, he will be officially called a baby. This will be his journey from 7 months old up to his first year birthday. Here you will find yourself running around the house chasing your little David as he crawls in the bed and at the floor, climbs everywhere, and picks everything in sight in order to put it in his mouth. Another approach is needed here.

Have you noticed? David will make significant changes every three months. So your approach in caring for him will also change. And in order for you to cope up with that constant change is to be creative in many things. If you are fixed with your first learnings, and not become flexible in changing your style, you will easily get frustrated.

Here are some specifics:

  • Beginning on his birth, he will ASK FOR MILK every two hours. If you have breast milk, you will feed him alone. And you will get tired, and will have sleepless nights. If you don’t have breast milk, then that means, you and Jonathan will go alternately preparing bottled milks for David every two hours during night. After 3 months though, David might be asking milk every 3 hours. Now, your Creativity will help you adjust during these months.
  • BATHING the baby will change dramatically as he grows from newborn to infant to baby. On his newborn months, you will bath him while he’s lying flat on a nursing table. You will do it very quickly so your baby won’t get cold by being exposed to water and air for longer minutes. During infancy, that will change. You will no longer be able to bath him lying on a flat surface because by that time, he is already able to sit and crawl. During bath time, you will sit him comfortably inside a baby tub. Of course that will require another set of skills and timing. If you are not flexible in learning, you and David will struggle during bathing time. When he reaches 7 months old, David will be fast in his movements, can crawl quickly and can grab a lot of little things in front of him. It will be difficult for you to bath him alone. Again, you need to be creative.
  • Changing his diaper after he poop will also need creativity. The first 3 months will be easy. But to change the diaper of a crawling baby who doesn’t understand the word “stop” yet requires creativity. If your are not prepared for this. You will get irritated, annoyed, or frustrated. If you are prepared, it will be fun!
  • As your baby grows, he will change his needs. Therefore you will change his SURROUNDINGS in order to cope up with his needs. Newborn is the easiest. All he needs is a warm embrace, milk, and clean diaper. But when he begins to crawl you need some soft barricades so he won’t fall off the bed when he wakes up while you’re still sleeping. When he learns to pick objects — small and bigyou need to rearrange your things within the house. You will not deprive him of his desire to grab objects, otherwise he won’t learn to use his fingers and his hands. But you also be careful on what objects he may pick to avoid any accident. Be creative in rearranging your things, and everything in your house that will get in contact with the baby.

These are just a few examples to give you a glimpse of what’s going to happen in your journey together. It’s going to be fun or frustrating — depending on whether you are creatively prepared or not. I’m telling you this because I have observed a lot of first-time mothers who were extremely frustrated because they never anticipated all these small things when they were still pregnant. They forgot to prepare, they thought everything will be automatic. They were not deliberate on their care. So they paid the price. But what is worse, is that their baby paid an even higher price.

I don’t want that to happen to you and David. And I’m sure you don’t want it to happen too. So practice your creative mind now while you’re still pregnant. When you practice doing creative things now, even if it’s not yet related to the baby, your mind will be equipped in using creativity to solve problems. And when your little one arrives, your creativity will help both of you.

As your baby journeys to discover life, you will discover a lot of things too — things about yourself, about Jonathan, about your little baby himself. And of course about life in general. But believe me, with a prepared mind and a ready heart, this journey will be the most exciting and fulfilling journey of all.

‘Til next time my dear daughter…

God bless you always!

Kisses to my grandson-to-be,



Supplier of Kindness

The demand of kindness is now getting far bigger than its supply.

In this supply-and-demand savvy world where every businessman is looking for scarcity to make himself its supplier, let’s take it as a great wonderful opportunity to be one. We will not get financially rich as a supplier of kindness, but we will surely get rich in happiness, peace of mind, blessings, friends, love, and other things that matter most in life.

Do you want to be a supplier of kindness?



Ally wrote a wonderful post about this when she asked, Where did common courtesy go?  Maybe you’d like to read it too. 😊

Two Images of Fatherhood

Dear son,

How are you? How’s my father-to-be son? How’s the excitement? How are you preparing for your new role?

Yes, you’re going to have an additional role in your life — a role that will stay with you for the rest of your life. Are you ready for the change? You can be. You must be. This role is a very important role. In fact, it is the most important role that you will ever have in your life. Try to stop reading for awhile, and think about what I just said. Can you imagine the implications of being a father — its implications in your own life, in Hannah’s life, in your incoming son’s life, in your mom and your brothers, in me, in your grandma, your aunts and uncles, in your community? Just pause and think about it for a minute. What does it imply, to be a father?

So, what pictures did your mind see?

Maybe you have seen a lot of beautiful images in your inner eyes. That’s great! Now, let us talk about just two of those images: Responsibility and Opportunity


Being a father is a great responsibility; you already know that. It is not just a title, or a name tag we use to call those men who have made some women pregnant. When you become a father, there are things that will be expected of you. And there are things that you will be accountable for.

What does it mean by being responsible?

Stephen Covey simplified the word by dividing it into its parts: response-able. Meaning, a responsible person is someone who is able to respond appropriately. But to respond to what? To what is expected of you. Different responsibilities have different expectations to fulfill. If you’re an engineer in charge of maintaining the smooth operation of a certain machine, you are expected to respond to circumstances that will affect the smooth operation of the machine. Now, if you are a father, you are expected to respond to some situations that arise in raising a child.

Being a father is a great opportunity too. That, you may not know yet. It is a great opportunity to grow as a person, as a husband, as a son, as responsible citizen. It is an opportunity to gain wisdom. If you are open to learning, and positive change, being a father is a great hands-on, live, actual practice. Being a father is an opportunity to become stronger in your four dimensions: body, mind, heart, and spirit. It is also an opportunity to leave a legacy — something positive that will remain in this world after you’re gone.

Now, these two gifts to all fathers —responsibility and opportunity— have distinct characteristics: responsibility is like a COMMAND. You cannot ignore it without painful consequences. Opportunity, on the other hand, is an OPTION. It’s up to you if you want to discover a fulfilling life, grow to your maximum potential, and leave a positive legacy behind; or just go with the flow of meaninglessness like a dead fish in a river and live a mediocre life.

Now, I hope you ponder more on this insights. It will help you establish a meaningful way of understanding your incoming new role. It will be your foundation. In my next letter, I will talk about a more concrete matters, specifically, about the responsibilities of a father.

Thank you for your time. Take care of yourself, take care of Hannah… and of course of the baby inside her belly.

God bless you all!


30th Week: Be Intentional

Dear Hanna,

Have a great day! Today is Day 1 of David’s 30th week. He must be very busy now inside your belly, as he prepares himself for the big day. He must be far bigger now than last week. And you feel like your belly is going to explode, especially after you eat. I think that will continue for the next 10 weeks, until he comes out.


Remember, as your baby is rearranging your life, he is also busy rearranging your belly inside — pressing your diaphragm and compressing your digestive organs. After all, your belly is his boarding house right now. That’s a nine-month contract, and you cannot bridge it without consequence. Don’t worry, when he comes out, your belly will be yours again.

img_3603In my previous letter to you, I mentioned that David was busy in multiple projects. He was working on his brain, muscles, bones, skin, digestive system, and others. That’s why he needed more space 🤣 Now he has a bigger brain, and is smarter. So be more careful, he is learning faster now too — and he’s learning from you. Are you playing the right music for him everyday? Please do. That will help develop his brain further. Are you reading books aloud? You may try it too. Are you painting, playing violin, writing, growing small indoor plants, or singing? Whatever you do, choose a creative activity. I’ll tell you in my next letter why.

Two weeks ago he was just converting his cartilages into bones; now he is manufacturing his own red blood cells with his bone marrow. His body is gearing up to be more independent in surviving life. Before he comes out, he is already a complete human being, just like you, Jonathan, and me. Just like us.

By the way, have you started counting his moves? I think you should. That’s a great way to monitor his activities, and to exercise your ability to anticipate. Find the pattern. David is now having a pattern of wake-and-sleep. And when he’s awake, observe what makes him move. Maybe it’s music, or his dad’s voice, or the presence of Prince beside you. Or maybe a certain food you eat. It is good to know. Not for knowledge’s sake, but for building the bond that will forever bind you two together.

Some mothers were not able to create a strong magical bond between them and their child maybe because they failed to connect with their child in a more intentional way during pregnancy. Be intentional in your care for him. Don’t be automatic.

When David was consuming the calcium in your body to make his own bones, that’s automatic; when you transfer the nutrients of your body to his, that’s automatic; When your body begins producing breast milk for the baby, that too is automatic. That’s not the kind of care we’re talking about here my dear daughter.

Instead, we’re talking about those proactive activities that when you ignore, won’t result to any instant problem — activities like, reading books, listening to classical music, doing some physical exercises, exercising your creativity, painting, writing a journal or articles, playing violin, talking with the baby while touching your belly, and many other you can think about. These are easy to ignore. And sometimes may also be inconvenient to do.

So many mothers ignore them. They are not proactive. And I believe those mothers who are not intentional in caring for their baby are the ones who don’t establish that magical bond between mother and child. They are the ones whose love to their children are purely based on blood, nothing else.

Some mothers sell their babies because they desperately need money. Some, just abandon their babies so they can go back to their “single” life, while some give their child for adoption. Others raise their children but hate them as if they are not hers. I believe, if you develop that magical bond during pregnancy, no matter what happens, you will not let your baby be separated from you.

My Post-2I just don’t want you to be like those other mothers out there who have no bond of love between them and their child. That’s why I’m encouraging you to be intentional in caring for David. Don’t be like robots who just act without intention. Be a mother — a caring one. In the daily activities that you choose, remind yourself that your intention is to reach David out, and establish that magical bond between you and him, and talk to him always as if he is responding to you… because he is.


Your loving father,



Meet and Greet: 3/17/18 — Dream Big, Dream Often

It’s the Meet and Greet weekend everyone!! Strap on your party shoes and join the fun! Ok so here are the rules: Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post. Reblog this post. It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone! Edit your reblog post and […]

via Meet and Greet: 3/17/18 — Dream Big, Dream Often